It was the night before Christmas…

A long time ago I learned that the best thing for me to do at this time of year was to step aside from the fray and let the “professionals” do their thing, leaving me with the task of being the chief glad hander and merry maker while everyone else tends to the details. It leaves me the freedom to wander the campus, visit with our residents and staff, and wish them the season’s best.

As I make my rounds during the holiday, I am reminded that the true miracle of the season is that a large empty room at Hillsides becomes filled to the rafters with toys and gifts that help fulfill the hopes and dreams of all the children and families we serve. The call went out early in the season and it has been a steady convoy of cars and individuals bearing gifts. The chief elf this year was a rather unlikely character, large for an elf standing at better than six feet, wearing a bell around his neck in order to be detected in the stacked maze of toys and gift items. An elf’s day is long and requires great stamina but in spite of the holiday weariness each and every visitor to Santa’s workshop was greeted with a smile, a jingle of the bell, and a heartfelt thank you.

Since Hillsides is so special, Santa comes a few days early to visit our residents and so a walk around campus on Christmas Eve provides encounters with happy and grateful kids who continue to be awed by an all knowing Santa who clearly had rewarded them for how nice they have been this past year. Skateboards abound on our signature hills, basketballs are being broken in on the basketball court, and the familiar sounds of electronic games echo everywhere. New outfits are donned for a family visit or some of the many holiday festivities planned.

All in all it is a magical time of year when disappointments and hurts are put aside to spend time with people who love and care about one another. They are precious days that help to reset relationships and hope for a better new year.

To all our many volunteers and donors who so generously help us to create memories for all we serve, thank you. Without your support we would be unable to fulfill the hopes and dreams that are so important to the children and families in our care. May you and your family have a wonderful holiday and enjoy the comfort of knowing that your kindness this holiday season has made a wonderful difference for all those we serve at Hillsides.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

Travesty

Unlike many of our peer organizations, Hillsides does not provide foster family services. We do not have any foster homes associated with Hillsides. When asked why that was the case, my predecessor, John Hitchcock, indicated he was reluctant to provide a foster home service where the quality of care that would be provided in these foster homes could not be guaranteed. He had reason for his reluctance and certainly the recent exposé in the Los Angeles Times points to why we all should be reluctant to entrust vulnerable children to a system that seems woefully inadequate.

The article points to abuses by some providers and certainly does not reflect the excellent and essential service that many of our peers organizations provide through the foster homes that they sponsor. However, it would seem from the article that there are some significant concerns with how many of the foster home agencies operate and are monitored.

More so than ever the children that are being referred to a foster home require a relatively comprehensive array of services. The foster parent must display extraordinary skill and ability to be successful. In addition to providing a safe living environment, foster parents are asked to facilitate therapeutic care that is specifically oriented to the individual needs of the child. It is very demanding, requires a significant level of training and exclusive commitment. Given the extraordinary need for such homes and the increasing neediness of the children being served, it is essential that the selection of foster parents benefit from a rigorous screening process. In addition, foster parents should be afforded all the resources and support needed to adequately and effectively address the needs of the children in their care.

From the details revealed in the Los Angeles Times article this was not the case with the foster parents that were the subject of the exposé. In addition, the organizations themselves did not have the adequate structure or orientation to effectively deliver quality care to these children.

The following measures would better provide for the needs of the children served in foster homes.  First, foster homes should be aligned with a reputable organization that is accredited by a body that has clearly identified standards of operation and practice for foster homes. Second, the same licensing and regulatory requirements that govern institutions providing therapeutic services should apply to all foster homes and be rigorously applied and monitored by Department of Children and Family Services. Third, infractions or violations need to have meaningful consequences and be addressed in a timely fashion. Minimally, these measures should be instituted if not already in place.

Although there will always be a need for good quality foster homes, the ultimate solution is helping families to provide for their own children. Much success has been achieved by identifying within an extended family a relative who can fulfill the parenting responsibilities, if for whatever reason the actual parents are unable to do so. Coupled with a strong community-based support system, most children can be served well, family caregivers can be effective, and the trauma of inadequate care can be avoided. Together with a  couple of other peer organizations, Hillsides has piloted this approach and it has been very effective. Children have been kept safe, improvement is evident, and long-term stability is established.

The challenges are great, but that cannot keep us from doing everything in our power to avoid any recurrence of the travesty that some children in the foster care system have suffered. 

Labels

During this season I often ask some of the children in residence at Hillsides what they would like as a gift for the holidays. They often respond by mentioning a brand name instead of the actual item. Luckily, I know that Nike refers to sneakers but I often need a translator! In an increasingly commercialized world, things are often identified within particular categories, each with a perceived value and even prestige.

The compartmentalizing of our world is not limited to commercial aspects. Within the children’s services field we identify  people according to categories often associated with their diagnosis, behavior or symptom. Of course the problem with these categories is that they do an injustice to those we serve. The children, youth, and families we serve are more than the sum of the symptoms or challenges that any one of them experience.

Recently, I was stopped by one of our more enterprising residents who “works” in the kitchen as a dish washer. He called me over to negotiate a better reimbursement for his indispensable service. In spite of the many challenges he confronts or the diagnosis given him, he is an engaging, ambitious kid prepared to make sure that his wage is fair. He wants to be happy, have fun, not worry about his safety or well-being and be successful.

For him and all the children, youth, and families we serve at Hillsides what they need from us is to serve as a resource for them so that their dreams may be realized. It is not just about providing the right diagnosis, but rather looking beyond the presenting symptoms to embrace the dream of a full and happy life for them.

This kind of work is not done in isolation. It can only be done effectively by a community of professionals, volunteers, and neighbors who together play different roles in delivering the many resources that make a difference in the lives of all in our care. Be assured that it does make a difference, especially at this time of year. We could not fulfill all the needs we attempt to address during the holiday season without the generous support that we receive from our donor community.

This week we anticipate a series of articles in the Los Angeles Times that will expose the failures of the foster care system and the tragedies that result because of its ineffectiveness. As important as such a series may be in serving as a catalyst for change, it also does a disservice to many good people who in spite of the challenges never-the-less provide indispensable care to children and families struggling with many issues. Rather than being disheartened I hope you will redouble your efforts at supporting and advocating to create a system of care that truly and effectively makes a lasting change.

Childhood and holiday wishes fulfilled

I am releasing my weekly blog on Tuesday rather than on Wednesday to coincide with #GivingTuesday, the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. This is a national movement that celebrates being charitable to others and encourages people to give back to others as we embark on the holiday season. On this day of giving, I am hoping you will consider Hillsides as you look for ways to improve the lives of others. During this time of year, Hillsides receives so many holiday wishes to fulfill, not just for the children who reside here, but for the families and youth in need throughout the community. 

Below is the story of Sarah, whose childhood and holiday wishes Hillsides was able to fulfill.   As you read her story, please keep in mind that without your generosity, children like Sarah would often not receive anything for the holidays. While presents can’t fix a lifetime of hardship, they bring joy and comfort, and give children the sense that they are cared for and important.  Most importantly for children like Sarah, these gifts will last well beyond the holidays and create lifetime memories.

Growing up, Sarah never had a real childhood. The oldest of four, she was thrust into the “mom” role at age 10 when her father abandoned the family and her mother went back to work full-time on the evening shift at a local warehouse.  As a result, Sarah was the one making dinner, giving her siblings baths, and changing diapers.
Eventually Sarah’s mom was unable to keep the family together. At age 13, Sarah entered the foster care system. Two years later, when Sarah arrived  to live at a group home at Hillsides, her therapists realized that in some ways, she was mature for her age, but in others, she was at the developmental stage of a young child.  She was desperate for love and for someone to take care of her.     The staff nurtured Sarah by listening to her, validating her feelings, and looking for opportunities to show they cared about her. When she asked for a doll and a miniature tea set for Christmas, they understood her need to connect with a childhood she’d never had. They made sure she received her desired presents.  They also arranged for her to get her first-ever brand- new coat and a stocking – something else she’d never had before.  Amazed by her gifts, Sarah cried because she never thought she would receive so much and feel so loved.

This holiday season  please fulfill the wishes of children and teens, like Sarah, who without your generosity would not receive anything for Christmas.